Not So Hip to be Square


By, Rikiryou Rei

Below, you will find a paper written by Mr. Goller, who is, by far, the best 8th grade English teacher I’ve ever had. Okay, fine, the ONLY 8th grade English teacher I have ever had, but you get the point. Anyway, if you don’t know who he is, I’m pretty sure you’ve seen him around the school at some point or another. He has long hair (always in a ponytail) and is usually wearing a tie… Okay, I know that’s probably not a helpful description but if you looked for him, you’d know who I am talking about. Anyway, I asked him to answer a few questions and he responded with this:

Since I hear this all the time, let me just clear up this question right now; I am not now, nor have I ever been a member of the Youth International Party, and any resemblance I might have to either Abbie Hoffman or Jerry Rubin is purely circumstantial. What do you mean you’ve never heard of either of them? Wait, sorry, that was probably slightly before you were born. Let me just state for the record, fifty is not a kind number. You have all of these great memories, but nobody else has ANY idea what you’re talking about. In the words of Kurt Vonnegut, “So it goes.”

Anyway, the point of this is that despite appearances to the contrary, I am not a hippie…or a yippie for that matter. That said, I probably should give some explanation about the hair since it is such a prominent feature of my current appearance. When I was in junior high in the early 70s, long hair on guys was quite popular. I begged my parents to let me grow my hair out.. Unfortunately, they were rather old-fashioned, and they insisted that I keep short hair. Let me tell you, a crew cut was anything but popular.

The other thing that defined my junior high years was a love of music. In fact, I was such a big fan of Alice Cooper that I used to dress up as him for talent shows in my neighborhood. Since becoming an adult, I avoid heavy makeup and thigh high boots. I assure you, it is not an attractive look on me. What I have not avoided as an adult is my passion for music. I have over a thousand CDs in my collection. Yes, I still keeps CDs and not MP3s, but if you’re curious, my collection would top 15,000 MP3s. I also take in live shows whenever I can. I have seen Roger Waters of Pink Floyd, Rush, John Cale of Velvet Underground, and Roger Hodgson of Supertramp within the last year. I have also been known to drive to Chicago, Columbus, or St. Louis to take in a good concert. My concert bucket list currently includes Red Hot Chili Peppers, Lou Reed of Velvet Underground, Lindsey Buckingham of Fleetwood Mac, James, Kate Bush, Pearl Jam, System of a Down, World Party, and U2. I guess you could say, in the words of Jethro Tull, “You’re never too old to rock and roll if you’re too young to die.”

I must say, after typing this, I searched Alice Cooper. I was at a loss for words, honestly. I would have never expected my English teacher to dress up like that…


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